Kind self-talk is about more than warm fuzzies – it actually has some pretty powerful benefits.
Practising self-compassion can calm your heart rate and take you out of fight-or-flight mode[1]. It also helps you build resilience and move forward from setbacks.
Here are some strategies for being kinder to yourself, about yourself.
Start with awareness. Observe your internal chatter. Is your self-talk kind or unkind? Understanding or judgmental? Gentle or harsh? Tune in to your inner voice and see if you can reframe unkind thoughts with more compassionate thinking.
Put all self-talk through the ‘friend test’. Would you say those words to a friend or family member? If the answer is no, then don’t speak that way to yourself. Instead, think about how you would support a friend in the same situation.
Do your expectations align with reality? Or do you write ambitious to-do lists that five people would struggle to achieve? Try not to have a to-do list as long as your arm and then punish yourself if you don’t get everything done. Know what to let go of, understanding that it’s OK to let some things slide.
Too often, we silence kind self-talk until we achieve a big goal. But how do you achieve something big? With hundreds – if not thousands – of small wins along the way. Every little step in the right direction is worth taking a moment to tell yourself that you’re doing great.
Affirmations are short, positive phrases you say out loud to yourself, ideally in front of a mirror. Positive affirmations can sometimes (but not always) be helpful, depending on the topics and your headspace[2]. Popular affirmations include “I am worthy”, “I am loved and loveable,” and “I see beauty in everything”.
What stories do you tell yourself, about yourself? Pay attention to the stories that run through your mind. Try to rewrite every narrative from a place of compassion and kindness. You’re the only one who can write your inner thoughts, so you might as well make them wonderful.
[1] Source: Soothing Your Heart and Feeling Connected: A New Experimental Paradigm to Study the Benefits of Self-Compassion.
[2] Hames, J. L., & Joiner, T. E. (2012). Resiliency factors may differ as a function of self-esteem level: Testing the efficacy of two types of positive self-statements following a laboratory stressor. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 31(6), 641-662